The irony of a common name

After reading my recent posts, people have been calling me with a lot of names.

Wannabe, philosophical, gyaan guru are a few!

Some also said that you are such a funny guy ( yup I like to believe that :) ), why do you always write about deep, serious topics!!

So, I told myself – fair enough – I can write funny and after 15 days of clueless thinking, I gave up. But, you know I believe in destiny. Tonight I got an email which was meant for some other Amit Agarwal and it was the Eureka moment!!  I knew what I was going to write about.

So let’s discuss the irony of having a popular name.

Well, Amit is a very popular name back in India and Agarwal is an equally popular surname. So the combination of both can be highly lethal and devastating.

One big issue with having a common name is no availability of usernames of your choice on the web. Thousands bucks if someone can find me a username of my choice on any popular website. And believe me, I have tried all the possible permutations and combinations. So, what are commoners ( common namers ) like me left with – an username or an email which consists of my name and some obscure or weird numbers.

I am a big fan of Google – it helps you find facts and people so easily. I personally use it to look for people all the time (it’s not stalking). However, do you want to google me. Try it – a search on Amit Agarwal gives you over 240K results. So people who are looking for me ( dhoondhte reh jayoge )

The funniest and the most annoying aspect of having a common name is that in a 100 meter radius, you will definitely find a few who share the same name. So if you hear someone yelling out your name, there is no assurance that that name call is for you.

Also, I personally don’t like the idea of someone calling you by your surname. But as things would be, my surname has always been tagged to my name for identification purposes in class, at work and everywhere else. So, I have been unwontedly called Amit Agarwal all my life.

Having a common name also hits you big on your identity (so called pehchaan). With a common name, creating a niche for yourself becomes more challenging.

As a human trait, we will always find the grass greener on the other side (but, since I have achieved Nirvana, I am above all this :p). I only look at the benefits of a common name and they are numerous.

To talk about the first benefit, let’s go back to the story of the email I got today about the other Amit Agarwal. Couple of months back I went to a seminar on financial derivatives and risk analysis event (details intended). At the registration desk, when I gave my name, I was ushered into a private more luxurious suite. I was offered VIP treatment there with the perks. Now, I am a meager MBA student who deserves but never gets this kind of exclusive treatment. So without asking any questions, I enjoyed my moment of glory and fame.

After a few minutes, I was asked whether I was ready with my presentation. Trying to not act surprised or petrified, (which I obviously was) I asked the organizer what presentation are we talking about? With a bemused look, he said the 30 minutes talk you are going to give us about “Structured Products and their long term risk implications”. With the straightest face I could manage, I admitted that I didn’t have freaking clue what he was talking about. Apparently, there was a different Amit Agarwal ( yes another A.A. in HK ) who was suppose to give a presentation on that Greek or Latin topic . Well, it didn’t matter- The blueberry cheese cake they served in the VIP room was delicious.

Morale of the story, there can be perks of having a common name.

Another significant benefit of having a common name is that you can easily camouflage yourself when you don’t want to be revealed. I lost counts of the number of times I have shifted responsibilities by blaming it on some other Amit particularly if it’s about being delegated a task or an unwanted work.    

Furthermore, having a common name has the benefit that I never need to correct the pronunciation of my name. While my other Indian friends who get tired correcting the way their names are pronounced, I never have to go through that exercise.

Nonetheless, irony of having a common name will always exist. It’s upon you how you want to perceive this scenario.

Fear of Rejection

What is your biggest fear?

For some, it’s the fear of death, for some its fear of spiders. According to a survey, for most, it’s the fear of public speaking. However to me, the worst fear one can have, is the fear of rejection.

The human race has survived brutality of wars, diseases and natural disasters. However, fear of rejection is one fear which tends to eclipse most men. The fear of rejection is such an impeder that it deters us from doing things which we want to do. This fear hinders you to pursue your dreams, restricts your ambitions and diminishes your action taking ability.

I agree that any kind of rejection can be devastating. It generally hurts where it matters the most, i.e. it hurts your psyche and it absolutely demolishes your confidence. A normal human tendency is to avoid any sort of pain and after the initial rejections, you simply stop trying.

A few things you experience when you have fear of rejection

• You feel that you have lost all your confidence and can never accomplish any job.
• Inability to say no to anything because you feel awful about saying no and getting others to reject and neglect you. Thus, you keep agreeing to perform tasks which you don’t want to do.  
• Absence of self opinion about yourself. You judge yourselves as what people say about you rather than what you think about yourself.
• Loss of identity. You tend to idolize people very quickly and hence imitate those whom you think highly of.

The most successful people in the world have been the ones who have been able to overcome this fear. Talk about Abraham Lincoln, he lost 3 elections before he won his first. Or talk about our own Amitabh Bachchan – he was rejected by the radio, by the theatre and by several movie studios. But he still had the courage to face more rejections before he got his first break.

Relationships are one part of our lives where fear of rejection has such a deep impact. The horizon of this fear stretches right from your professional career to friendship to your love life.

While operating my start-up venture, I faced professional rejection on a daily basis. So much so, that I wondered whether facing rejection was part of my job description. It generally was a traumatizing experience when after having one sales meeting and several follow-up meetings, the prospective client just rejected your proposal. I have started to believe that those initial rejections were one reason why I am doing a MBA and not running a successful business.

I read this true story in one of the Chicken Soup books where a guy in high school is madly in love with his classmate but never approaches her as he fears rejection. The guy could never develop the courage to approach the girl and after 2 years of anguish, gives up. 25 years later, married to their respective spouses they meet at High School reunion. The guy, who still has a soft corner for the girl, finally tells her how crazy he was about her. The girl starts crying hysterically. She tells him how much she loved him throughout high school but was waiting for him to make the first move. Both speechless, they just part ways. This is one example how a meant to be relation never happened because of their fear for rejection.

There are many other incidents where broken friendships don’t mend because both the parties are paranoid that their offer for reconciliation will be rejected by the other.                                                         Another chicken soup story. 2 close friends with their friendship of 20 years. One day, they quarrel on a trivial matter and ultimately stop interacting with each other. A few weeks later, they both realize that the quarrel was absurd and uncalled for. However, they both not sure if the other guy wants to be friends again, don’t make the reconciliatory move. Eventually no one does and when one friend dies, the other realizes his mistake. But, it’s too late. Their fear that the other might reject the reconciliatory offer, never give it a try.

My apologies for the sad stories but blame Chicken Soup for that. They are just filled with them.

Some instant gyaan for overcoming fear of rejection.

Don’t ever be scared of rejections in your life. Every time you are rejected, take that as a challenge to prove yourself. Develop a frame of mind where you view getting rejected as a stepping stone to success. Once, you are able to accept rejection, you’ll realize that with every rejection, it gets easier.

Be yourself because everyone else is taken. Don’t ever succumb to peer pressure and do things which you don’t want to do. Don’t let others dictate your individuality.

 And finally, Don’t make success the ultimate goal and focus more on the process than the result. Try rewarding yourself for just making an effort and getting a "no."

A relevant quote from Sylvestor Stallone to end this blog - “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.”

Toyota & Detroit - Comedy of Errors

One flaw of online marketing is that you don't have any control over the placement of your ads. At times, you can be placed exactly where you shouldn't be.

This is the comedy of errors which happened with Toyota when their ad was placed around content for which they were directly responsible.

See the pic below -